Ughhhh, love. Here we go. I knew this subject was coming. Jonathan talked about it at the last Refuge sooo.. I am going to write on it. I'm going to be honest with you guys- I hate talking about love. I have a major commitment issue. Actually, I didn't go to Refuge last week because Jonathan was talking about love. I know that's sad, but true. Don't worry, he let me have it when he found out I skipped.
I think the reason that it is so hard for me to talk about love is that I have actually experienced love before. Real love. Not the type of love where you say you love each other and then when you break up you go around telling people that your ex is crazy. "Yeah I mean one day we were totally cool, and the next day I found a lock of my hair under his pillow case...." Not that kind. Although, that has happened to me before. Ha ha, just kidding.
Anyway, I experienced the real deal. And honestly, it was heartbreaking when that ended. Right after I started getting discipled I kept feeling like God was telling me to be single. I talked to my mentor and kept praying on it. One saying that is repeated at my church a lot goes like, "Delayed obedience is disobedience." So I knew I needed to go ahead and do it. It was probably one of the hardest things
Since then I started dating my current boyfriend. He's pretty cool. ;) He's had to deal with a lot of baggage because of my past, but he's been really good with me.
One of the things Jonathan mentioned in the podcast (yes, I still had to listen to it... I don't know how I thought I could escape it) was deal breakers. Things that would absolutely never work for you/ they have to have in a relationship. Here are mine:
1) I absolutely cannot be the spiritual leader in a relationship. Whomever I end up marrying has to have a faith that puts mine to shame.
2) They have to love their mama. Mama's boys are a good thing. It shows that they'll treat you with the same respect as their mom. This theory really is true. I have two and a half years worth of experience to prove it.
3) They have to open doors for me. I know this sounds like I'm a major princess, but this is really important. If a guy opens a door for you constantly without you asking, he's very possibly a keeper.
4) I can't deal with cussing. This isn't because I'm sheltered either, I promise! I cuss sometimes too. I'll be the first to admit that. But I feel like it is really disrespectful when guys cuss like a sailor and there are girls around. It lacks class to me.
5) I grew up with alcoholics, so I could really care less for a guy who drinks all the time.
6) Any violent tendencies, and I'm out. I don't care if it's taken out on an inanimate object- that scares me therefore, don't do it.
boom. Done with the love talk. Listen to the podcast! It's pretty good.. even though it pained me to listen to it.
This is heavy stuff, you guys. Let's just take a second to absorb this.
Death is an ugly thing. A hideous thing. Growing old is an ugly thing (the thought, not necessarily the action-- that was kind of a disclaimer for my grandma who reads this blog). I think what's even uglier than growing old and dying is the thought of dying young. I think death is almost more devastating when the person who dies is young. You can't help but ask, what could they have possibly done with their lives if they had lived a full life? A few years, even?
I think the hardest thing for me when wrestling with death is where God comes in to play in all of it. When older people die it is heartbreaking. If I lost either one of my grandparents I would be one big ball of mush,believe me. But one thing about older people is that no matter how much it can destroy you when they leave, just with them being old, at some point you have to realize that they aren't going to be around forever. But when it happens to young people its unexpected.
"We're all in the process of dying." Something we never think of. Every second we are getting closer. I know that's a depressing thought... Well actually, is it? "Life-giving" is one of the words that they described death as in the video. How can it be life giving? How can we live out our dying days as a way to give life to other people? When people talk with us do they constantly leave the conversation feeling refreshed and renewed? Are we living like every moment counts? I know that's hard to do when we don't think our days are numbered, but seriously guys! Why does it take a story like this to snap us out of our run of the mill lives? I want to live a life that people can look at and say, "Wow, God had such a hold of her. They touched so many lives together," or "There is no doubt that she is up there with Him right now."
I think what is awe-inspiring about people who know they are dying, old or young, is that they aren't scared. Ryan Woods died on November 7th. As he said in the video, "I get to be reminded and remind other people that death isn't anything, ya know?" What power does death have over us? What is holding us back from living out this beautiful story; from giving life to other people? The only thing that death has over us, honestly, is how short of a time we have to do these things. But if we start living TODAY- CAPITALIZE, BOLD PRINT, UNDERLINE!!!- then, y'all, WHAT DOES IT HAVE OVER US? If we start living today, the number of days we have to live doesn't matter!
Quality, not quantity.